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Unclassifiable: “Select Reddit Posts…” by Big Hark
BIG HARK
Unclassifiable Contest Winner
Just now
Canada? Wondering why the “soccer.”
18 points · 16 hours ago
Is that a sentimental 65-inch television? I’d just buy a new couch, TV, and shelving unit set, my guy.
6 points · 2 days ago
I love both towns, but Paris will always be home. I think Paris is an easier place to know. Smaller. Easier to get around.
But you asked about work, didn’t you?
It’s hard to really answer that without knowing your field. You’d be a fool to work in London if you’re in luxury. If you’re in finance, London’s the place to be.
And then there’s the matter of work culture. Will French work culture be a pro or a con to you? Do you like strikes and striking? Being impossible to fire? Getting paid a lot less than you might be in other places?
Anyway, sounds like a fun decision. Bonne chance!
2 points · 3 days ago
I just. I…Man.
Applause.
1 point · 3 days ago
The tuner said it was beyond his skill to fix. Said the client had to have it sent back to Steinway, which basically rebuilt the instrument because all the liquid had caused the wood to swell. He didn’t know about the cost or whether there was insurance involved. He just said that the piano was obviously an important symbol of achievement for the husband — something the man had aspired to own for years. What stands out in the story to me was how the tuner described the resolve of the husband. He wasn’t sure if the guy deserved what had happened or not, but he did know the move hurt him bad and his response was to get the piano back no matter the expense. Like, “It took me a lifetime to acquire this $150,000 grand piano, so I am obviously going to pay another $150,000 right now to get it back to normal as soon as possible.”
308 points · 8 days ago
No, because Soldier Field is small and shitty and not by my house.
5 points · 20 days ago
Hmmmmm. You might have just made me have to look that up. I grew up around those stupid percolators, and my first cups of coffee were terrible, gritty, grounds-filled messes with my mom and grandma.
I have fond memories of the percolators but not their brew. Maybe I’ll give them a second chance.
2 points · 1 month ago
I lived above a pharmacy in Paris for 5 years. I can see that green in my dreams.
1 point · 2 months ago
So you’ll obviously be applying as an English as a second language student…
0 points · 2 months ago
Says the person who misspelled English.
1 point · 2 months ago
We beat Navy all four years. 1994-98. Kings.
5 points · 2 months ago
The fuck they can’t, and there’s an entire generation of Latin American novelists who were famous for using ad agencies as their 9 to 5s.
4 points · 2 months ago
That’s the best, most graceful answer.
2 points · 2 months ago
Well, I usually let the lawyers write the boilerplate, and you should too. Are you trying to describe some other writing task?
ETA
You could also either be a very old print journalist or a writer who’s been trained by an old print journalist. I don’t see many colleagues using the term the way I think you just did, to refer to unimportant filler content.
1 point · 2 months ago
Gasp.
1 point · 2 months ago
I think he’s more like Lane Kiffin when you first got him. Damaged, and the hire looking an awful lot like a favor to the guy’s old man.
4 points · 2 months ago
Ok, if you like your rock and roll with a heavy side of CHEESE, you must stop what you’re doing right now and start listening to Johnny Hallyday.
He’s released 79 albums. He’s the French Elvis. Whenever I really miss France, I can rely on Johnny to give me some relief.
5 points · 2 months ago
Fuuuuuuck, I’m bored of this question.
7 points · 2 months ago
Has the person you’re speaking with ever given you a hug? No? Then you’ll probably want to use “vous.”
And shame on your prof for telling you that piece of shit story. French people aren’t going to cuss out an obvious student of the language who’s making an effort to speak in French. Far from it. In my experience, a warm “bonjour” and friendly “Pouvez-vous m’aider? J’apprend français” was more than enough to earn goodwill.
4 points · 2 months ago
Have you considered art?
3 points · 2 months ago
If you haven’t explored the Federation of Alliances Françaises website, you should do so
https://afusa.org/
There’s all kinds of interesting things that a motivated high school kid could learn about.
And if you are feeling especially outgoing, translate this exact post to French (get your French teacher to help you), and send it via the mail (the old-fashioned way, with stamps) to the closest French Consulate to your house. If you wanted to be an even bigger show-off, you’d look up the staff of the consulate so you can send it to an actual person.
Like, if you lived in the Midwest, you’d go to this website: https://chicago.consulfrance.org/-The-Consulate-General-
And then you’d click the “Who’s Who” button. And then you’d scroll till you find Valérie MORIO, who is in charge of “Registrations, general, social and military affairs, French elections, scholarships.”
What you’d do then is write Mme Morio with your charming-ass note in French, and you see what kind of amazing doors open for you.
Go get ’em, kid.
1 point · 2 months ago
Ahhh, I see. In that case, I’ll explain:
First and foremost, it’s beautiful. When my wife was pregnant, she was afraid of filling up the house with plastic, disposable baby stuff. The lines of the seat matched her decorating sensibility.
Second, the seat is adjustable. It can grow with baby through toddlerhood and beyond. My kid was about 5 when my niece was born. By that time we had removed the harness and put it in storage. Had I not lent the chair to my sister, my kid would have kept it. The next stage for us would have been to remove the padded seat to leave just the wood. In that configuration, the chair looks more like a funky stool; something less for a baby or toddler (and thus agreeable to a tween or teen…) and more for the grownup people in the house, which it is.
Finally, it’s durable. Made of wood. Strong. No one has ever said, “We accidentally broke the Trip Trapp.”
34 points · 2 months ago
I have been doing this work for 25 years, and almost nothing in my vast, considerable portfolio has my name on it. You’ll be fine.
3 points · 3 months ago
No. The pandemic was bad for business around the world. It was just bad timing.
3 points · 3 months ago
I think you should do whatever the spirits advise.
1 point · 3 months ago
I don’t know about the specific model information, but that’s clearly an Underwood typewriter.
And because it’s an Underwood, I feel like I have to share my favorite poem. If you don’t read Spanish, that’s a shame. It’s a beautiful piece of modern work. Still, you should read up on the Underwood Girls, which was a marketing gimmick the company had over 100 years ago.
Anyway, enjoy your find.
Underwood Girls, by Pedro Salinas
Quietas, dormidas están,
las treinta, redondas, blancas.
Entre todas
sostienen el mundo.
Míralas, aquí en su sueño,
como nubes,
redondas, blancas, y dentro
destinos de trueno y rayo,
destinos de lluvia lenta,
de nieve, de viento, signos.
Despiértalas,
con contactos saltarines
de dedos rápidos, leves,
como a músicas antiguas.
Ellas suenan otra música:
fantasías de metal
valses duros, al dictado.
Que se alcen desde siglos
todas iguales, distintas
como las olas del mar
y una gran alma secreta.
Que se crean que es la carta,
la fórmula, como siempre.
Tú alócate
bien los dedos, y las
raptas y las lanzas,
a las treinta, eternas ninfas
contra el gran mundo vacío,
blanco a blanco.
Por fin a la hazaña pura,
sin palabras, sin sentido,
ese, zeda, jota, i…
3 points · 3 months ago
Gosh, I guess some folks don’t like poetry.
